Last time I went on hiatus, it didn’t last very long. I think that was March/April, and then I was back on MGF by late April, and that’s just a slippery slope (for me) back into sugar life.
Here’s the thing: I love being a sugar baby. Love it. But I also love Civilian. So I felt like I needed to quit in order to make him happy.
This time, I’m quitting to make me happy.
I thought he needed me to be like a perfect, tame, domestic girl. I don’t know why, because he had never given me any indication that that was the case. But either way, that was not and is not who I am. I missed the thrills that sugar life satisfies for me. Sugar life isn’t just about the money- I love doing something taboo. I love enticing older men. I love knowing I have control- and I love that moment when they take control away from me, usually somewhere between their hand in my bra and riding them. I love that I can look like the most normal, innocent girl and I have this secret that no one knows about.
I know that’s not necessarily what sugaring is like for everyone, but it is for me. But now, I can open up to Civilian. Or at least, I am trying to. We can have a sex life that’s dirty and unique and unexpected and inappropriate and all those wonderfully titillating things. If I’m still not satisfied, then I will terminate the relationship and look elsewhere (probably sugar life) to fill the void. But I want to believe that even though I love him I can take care of my needs.
I was worried I’d have to cancel this blog, but I love hearing all of your stories! And since I’m not going to stop being deviant, and I’m not pulling myself out of my haze, then why not keep going?
I want to make sure to stay true to myself, and what I’m looking for. So I can still talk about sexual exploits, past and present- it’s just that present will all be with Civilian. Has anyone else quit sugaring?